Grief

Weekly Wisdom from the Journey

(I’ve chosen a photo from the Travel Archives from Mazatlan Mexico.  I love street art and this cute bat reminds me that just like I tend to shy away from bats out at night so many people avoid grief)

Grief.

Last week—and even this week—I hesitated to share about grief in my weekly wisdom post. It feels vulnerable. But despite my fears, I’m finding the courage to talk with you about grief.

Recently, Oprah interviewed Brené Brown on Super Soul Sunday. Brené said something that struck me:

“We tell the story of how we stumbled, but 20 seconds later, we get back up and carry on. No one stops at that moment when we are really hurt and down and says—what happens here? We tend to look away when others show us their pain, or we fail to share our own out of shame.”

I’ve experienced deep grief a few times in my life and many smaller versions as well.

There was the loss of a majority of my extended family and support system at age 15 when my immediate family was shunned after parting ways with a religious group, the pain of divorce and the loss of my dream of raising my child in a traditional family, and then when my father passed 3 ½ years ago.

While deep griefs are significant milestones, let’s not forget the grief that comes with disappointment, an unexpected diagnosis, unrequited love, a job layoff, or the last of our kids heading off to college.

No one teaches us to be present with grief. No one teaches us it's a necessary season and that there is a skill to moving through it. I believe in big, fluffy “cry-towels” for the days when tears come in waves, and I believe the greatest privilege of all is to hold space for and witness the grief of others.

These days, I’m getting better at letting my loved ones in to witness and support me during my moments of grief. I’m also creating spaces of safety where, through the connection of coaching, others can receive support in their grief—whether it's sharing a sexual abuse trauma for the first time, or grieving the way their mother’s extreme perfectionism still haunts them as an adult.

Let’s work on dropping our fear and judgment of tears and grief. Let’s begin instead to see them as necessary parts of cleansing our souls and recognize the courage it takes to grieve and to be with someone while they grieve.

And by the way… if you still buy into the myth of “keeping work and life separate,” I challenge you to let go of that old idea and embrace a more compassionate, human response. The energy of our disappointments and challenges in our personal lives follows us to work. And anyone who’s ever had a toxic boss knows that the grief and anxiety that causes goes home with them at night.

One last thought: Brené Brown reminds us, *“The broken-hearted are the bravest among us because they dared to love somebody.”

I challenge you: dare to fully grieve the losses that you’ve experienced.  Let them integrate into the whole of who you are and become part of your essence.